by Elaine Medina

Busy worker bees clamored along. Shoppers buzzing around, honing in on flowers and selecting the ones they’d be choosing. The sweet old lady with her grandson, buying him a lollipop that his mother surely would not approve of; but it brought color to his face and made his eyes beam.

“Granny, could we get a slice of pizza before going to mom’s house tonight?”

The supermarket manager had dribbles of saliva flying out of his mouth from yelling at an employee who’d dropped one too many cases of milk: spilling the liquid like a white flood coming to engulf her and sweep her away. Maybe if it did then I wouldn’t feel so lost. Thinking of a man who is with another– who has always been with another — leaving me like a wilted flower that all the bees seem to overlook–

“How many times am I going to have to take this out of your pay?! Maybe I should just fire you!”

All these bees buzzed and zipped around, not even noticing me. Was it finally happening? Was I finally disappearing, the way he had from my life? The way he’d just thrown me away like I didn’t matter. Maybe I don’t.

I tried to focus on the one-sided cell phone conversation with my friend but lacked the energy. Without my bee I couldn’t focus. But I had to try. He has another. He has another; I kept telling myself. I had to let him go.

“Gwen, are you even listening?” Was I even listening? No. I had no desire for this phone call to continue, but I knew deep down Rose did it out of love. She knew the state I was in. But it was pointless. She was just another droning sound. Another bee buzzing at me. As I stood there in the middle of all these busy bees in the supermarket aisle, I wondered why I even came out to this store? Why did I want to be around all these bees, buzzing and searching when I didn’t know what it was I was searching for?

Then I remembered Rose insisting I start getting my life back in order. To try and forget the man who only wanted my heart in stolen moments. Moments I would give just to have him, even if only for a little while.

“I see him,” I said to Rose. I saw my bee. I saw Devin. After being apart for so long.

“Who? Who do you see?,” came from the cellphone, barely resonating when my eyes were on my bee. On my love yet not love. Because he wasn’t mine. I needed to remember this.

“No one. I have to call you back. I think it’s my coworker.” I pressed the glaring red button to end the call three times just to make sure I’d actually done it.

I lied of course, because if Rose knew who I saw, she’d scream at me to run the other way — even when I couldn’t. My body would never let me. He was like a magnet, pulling me to him.

I could see him through the stacked cans of beans. Could he see me?

Yes. YES. He did. He saw me. He did! He walked towards me. He was coming for me. Coming back to me. He needed me like I needed him. I was his Queen. All the other worker bees buzzed out of his way. And he buzzed out of my way too. Walked right past me.

“Devin…” I called out. But he kept walking.

And I did the only stupid thing I could do before he was gone.

I reached out for him.

I knew I shouldn’t. He for once in our sordid relationship did the right thing, and here I was after everything I told myself after two months apart. Desperate to reach him, when I should be pushing him away; I just couldn’t bring myself to retract my fingers.

I grasped his coat tugging him towards me.

“Devin…” What I wanted to say was I miss you and pick me. I’m yours, not her. But all I could say was his name.

“Gwendolyn. I didn’t see you. Hey.”

I stood there gaping at him. If we’d been in a cartoon, my mouth would have dropped to the floor.

Those were the words that left his mouth after two months apart? He no longer recognized me or knew who I was? I was just this forgettable thing. Something you had to make a sticky note for because he just couldn’t bother to remember me. Couldn’t bother to realize how he’d just ripped me to shreds again.

The buzzing in my chest intensified. The bees gathered around my heart protecting their hive after I opened it and left it exposed again. I knew better and yet at the first sight of him, I went right back.

I let go of him, feeling the burn of his words on my fingertips, like I’d grazed my fingers too close to a candle. Because that’s what Devin was: the beautiful flame dancing atop a candle. So alluring, enticing a bee to its own demise.

I wanted to melt into the shoppers buzzing around us, trying to ignore the show I just put on. I grabbed the basket with the little groceries I’d left discarded and rounded the aisle to make my way to the cashier, but now Devin stood, blocking my path.

“Am I still so invisible you don’t see that you’re blocking my way?”

“I’m sorry I–.”

“Sorry for being an utter and complete asshole or sorry for blocking my way?” I knew I was being immature but at that point I didn’t care. I wanted to hurt him how he’d just hurt me yet again.

“I suppose both.” He gave me that lopsided grin that used to disarm me. I could feel the bees buzzing near my heart, their hackles raised more than my own.

“Marvelous. Wonderful, you supposed both.”

I tried to side step him but he blocked my way again.

“Is this what you wanted? To have me still pining for you? Well revel in the tiny glimpse you almost saw of you having any sway over my life, my emotions, my being because I will never allow you to do that– this to me again. You will never have power over me. I am a Queen. I am–”

And he did the only thing that could have probably stopped me from going further into my tirade.

He kissed me.

He consumed me. Gripping my shoulders, pulling me to him, setting my body alight and all the bees in my chest hummed with pleasure. With no regard for the shoppers buzzing around us. Without a care for who might see us as we held onto each other — with everything we had our bodies melding and mouths devouring one another under the fluorescent lights of the supermarket aisle, with shelves of pastas and sauces surrounding us.

He took until I had no more to give and was too exhausted to fight.

“Devin I’ve lost you,” I heard her say from one of the other aisles, “did you get the sauces?”

Hearing her voice incensed the bees in my chest and they wrapped around my heart, bringing me to my senses.

The hands that were just gripping his chest now pushed away. He released my shoulders and I immediately missed the heat of his touch. I stared at his mouth thinking of what we just did, and that it changed nothing.

“You’re here with your wife.” It wasn’t a question, but a statement. I’d know her voice anywhere.

“Yes. I’m here with her.”

I turned away before he could see the tears fighting to be released.

I went to move around him and leave the aisle and this time he relented.

As I made it to the register I saw her join him with their cart full of things for their life together.

We locked eyes one final time, as if reaching for each other.. Hearts and souls wanting each other.

But never meant to have each other.

The bee buzzed back to his queen.

And I thought: maybe I wasn’t a queen, or the flower Devin would ever choose. Maybe I’m just a bee who’d lost her way.

Check out our questions for Elaine Medina.

Elaine Marie Medina writes fiction and poems. She was born and raised in the Bronx. She is a Daycare Provider, but don’t judge a book by its cover.

Image credit: “Honey Bees,” BluDawson. Flickr CC BY-NC-ND 2.0.

by Alicia Evans 

Sharon contemplated calling the whole thing off so many times before. She finally accepted her fate, as she let out a quiet sigh. Sharon ran both hands down the front and sides of her dress, an act that she often used to calm her nerves. She was fitted for her wedding dress two months ago, but today she had to add an extra spandex waist trainer. “If only you lost those last three pounds,” she could hear her mother say. Sharon looked in the bedazzled mirror and tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear. Absolutely nothing could be out of place today. She forced a wide smile on her face and prayed that no one noticed the dark clouds in her eyes.

When she walked into the room, Sharon caught a whiff of the gardenias that engulfed the bridal suite. The scent triggered a feeling of sadness. There were over fifty gardenia floral arrangements at her mother’s funeral: her mother’s favorite flowers. Kenneth said it would be a good idea to double the amount of flowers from that day, on their wedding day.

The room buzzed with activity: her bridesmaids in one corner sipping champagne and laughing and the two photographers walking around snapping pictures. As Sharon reached for her bouquet, the hair on the back of her neck stood up.

Sharon had planned her fairytale wedding since age nine. Nothing overlooked, except what to do when the groom plans everything. Sharon lived her life preparing to meet her king. Attended a Historically Black College, got a good job, always dressed to impress because she never knew where he may be. The day Sharon met Kenneth she knew he was the one. He met all her requirements. He was attentive to her needs and wants. He delighted in Sharon spending every free moment with him. Sharon thought his affection for her was special. It was not until this last year that things changed. Now, according to Kenneth, Sharon could not do anything right. When she cooked, it was either not cooked well enough or overcooked. He acted one way in the privacy of their home but then a totally different way in the public’s eye. Kenneth was the king chameleon.

“All relationships have their problems,” her mother told her one night, when Sharon went to her crying and scared. Problems were one thing, but this was something else. After a fight Kenneth would always cry and apologize. He would shower her with lavish gifts and declare his love for her. Sharon had wondered if Kenneth’s domineering and abusive personality was always there.

He even insisted that he take Sharon to David’s Bridal to shop for her wedding dress. What should have been a special day between Sharon and her maid of honor Chantel, Kenneth instead found a way to impose himself into the festivities. Kenneth chose a Cinderella style dress with a long train, which Sharon hated. She preferred the Mermaid style dress with a detachable train. After two hours Kenneth stormed out of the showroom, threatening that she could get home on her own. With her head hung she walked back to the fitting room. In a low voice with her back towards the attendant she whispered, “I say yes to the Cinderella dress with the twelve foot train.”

Chantel entered the bridal suite and rushed towards Sharon. She sensed something was wrong by the grave look on Chantel’s face.

Chantel’s mouth moved but Sharon did not hear anything Chantel said. Sharon focused her attention on the bouquet of gardenias. These were her mother’s favorite flowers, not hers, she thought. Her mother thought Kenneth was the best her daughter could do. The date was set, the room booked, and Kenneth had made the final payment for the reception. Two months ago, her mother passed away. Sharon knew she should have called the wedding off then, but she had promised her mother to continue with their plans to marry.

“Sharon, did you hear me? Kenny is not here,” Chantel said, and Sharon felt Chantel move closer.

Kenneth hated when Chantel called him Kenny. Each time she said his name, his lip would curl up in a tight grin. Sharon told Chantel numerous times to stop calling him that, but Chantel just rolled her eyes and said, “what is the big deal? Everyone knows Kenny is short for Kenneth.” Sharon thought to herself: “the big deal is that each time you call him Kenny I have to deal with his anger.”

Chantel went on to explain that Kenneth had chosen to drive himself to the hotel, saying that he had a last minute surprise for his bride. Chantel’s voice quivered, and Sharon realized that Chantel was actually worried more than she could ever be. “Sharon, please turn around and look at me.” Chantel put her hand on Sharon’s shoulder, urging her to turn around.

Sharon remembered watching the Alfred Hitchcock classic The Man Who Knew Too Much with her mother. Her mother hummed along with Doris Day the song “Que Sera Sera” and Shannon asked her mother what it meant. Her mother’s reply was “whatever will be, will be.”

Chantel was still talking. When Sharon finally turned, she could see the worry etched on Chantel’s face. As Sharon glanced around the room, she no longer saw the beautiful flowers. She saw the faces of her bridesmaids with wide open mouths and bulging eyes. The photographers huddled in a corner. A collective gasp could be heard. Sharon felt like the right thing to do would be to say something, but when she opened her mouth nothing came out. Sharon silently wished she could make herself cry, because this would have been the perfect moment to have a single tear run down her cheek. She should be worried that something may have happened to Kenneth. He could have had an accident and been hurt. Slowly Sharon exhaled; she had not realized she was holding her breath. Sharon closed her eyes and said a prayer. She did not wish anything bad on Kenneth but she believed — just maybe God — was answering her prayers.

Sharon grabbed up the corner of her dress, struggling with the twelve foot train that Kenneth had insisted on. Once Sharon was able to manage walking without tripping over the monstrous train, she walked slowly to the door, turned around with a sparkle in her eyes, face glowing and said, “Que Sera Sera.”

Sharon took her left hand and in one smooth motion tossed her bouquet, and with it the past. She swung open the door and danced out of the room singing, “Whatever will be, will be.”

Check out our Questions for Alicia Evans.

Alicia Evans is a student at LaGuardia Community College CUNY. She lives in Saint Albans, New York.

Image credit: “Gardenia,” Paul VanDerWerf. Flickr CC BY 2.0.

by Ethan Velez

“I always hate when movies do that. It feels like, oh, I don’t know.” Tabs spoke with her hands. It was hard to keep them by her side.

“It’s always like, the fucking teacher in front of the class,” she went on. “His voice is fading because our protagonist isn’t paying attention. Meanwhile, he’s going on and on about the theme of the book they’re discussing which happens to also be the theme of the movie.” 

Her hands clapped together, separated for emphasis, went up in the air to conclude her piece. Her cigarette smoke formed a line out the window.

Eduardo wanted to add, “Next teacher in a slasher is going to be teaching Frankenstein.” He did not.

“Are you all right?” she asked him.

There was nothing odd about a dizzy spell, so Eduardo only nodded. He sipped from a plastic cup of coffee he hated. He was sitting on Tabs’ bedroom floor, which he hated, while snow was beginning to brew outside, which he hated the most. 

“So Midsommar, yeah?” Tabs asked. 

“Yeah!” Eduardo answered. He hated everything else, but he loved Tabs.

Tabs found her USB in a bowl she kept on her desk. Her room was wide, clean, white. There were album posters and stacks of expensive sneakers she bought herself. 

“Snow’s falling,” she declared, her eyes fixed on her screen. Eduardo lifted one of her linen curtains. She was right.

He wanted to ask Tabs how she knew. He did not.

Everything in Eduardo’s home was free of witches and ghosts. No monsters unless they were mentioned in a Saturday morning radio sermon. His home lacked lore. He hated it, but he loved his parents, and found middle ground in waiting until he was with Tabs to watch movies.

Eduardo said goodbye to Tabs when the movie ended and the snow began to settle. He forced himself to the L train with a jacket too thin to keep him warm. 

In Eduardo’s neighborhood, the Russian Orthodox Church was a community landmark and just a few streets before his building. It was once large, dominant, and brick red. A color that reminded Eduardo of his old Sunday classrooms. 

All that remained was disaster. A violent fire swallowed up everything it once was just months ago. 

Eduardo breathed heavily and his skin itched. He rubbed his arms with his hands. It was a mistake to use a thin jacket. He could feel his throat tightening and waited for a clear crosswalk. He was allowed one step before the sirens of a FDNY truck jolted him back onto the sidewalk.

The sound ran down his ears. With it, he could imagine the sky, always dark before anyone was ready, taking long sips of smoke from the church’s steeple. Eduardo once saw the steeple as regal, only now it was a leering eye, judging him for walking away.

Eduardo dropped his keys at his front door, which he hated standing by. A faint sense of a threat loomed behind him. He thought he could smell smoke.

“¿Qué es esto?” Eduardo ‘s mother demanded when he was inside.

“It feels like someone is watching me,” he gave away. He shivered and couldn’t stop.

“God is always with you, mijo,” she comforted him, satisfied. She wore a dull pantsuit and smelled like her favorite perfume: flowery and dense. Her hair was long, dark like Eduardo’s, which she proudly claimed had never been cut until Eduardo’s father told him otherwise. She cut it often when she was sixteen. 

“We have to go to church tonight, I’m speaking,” Eduardo’s father confirmed as he closed in. “Y tú también, mijo.”

Eduardo perked up.

“One day you’ll be preaching too.”

Eduardo saw his parents off and joined the quiet of the apartment. The four walls of his bedroom were painted an inexpensive tan. There were two small bookshelves on either side of a sharp and square coffee table. His bed was a twin, and nailed above it was a cross that always felt ill-placed.

“It’s too far to the left,” Eduardo’s mom had said years previously. 

“It’s fine,” he  said.

“Es bien,” his father added.

Eduardo studied the cross as his body shuddered. It was too long, with a sad color and honed corners. Yes, he thought, it was too long. 

He made sure his heater was on, turned the lights off, and buried himself under his sheets.

“Everything hurts too much, it’s too cold,” he wanted to yell. He didn’t.

Instead, Eduardo thought about his father preaching. He thought about Tabs and her wicked, thrilling movies. About the fire. The night the church burned down was, all things considered, a peaceful night.  “ELECTRIC ISSUE?” flashed through TV screens that morning, videos of scorched walls and black wood circulated on Twitter, and by evening it was well behind everyone. 

Eduardo didn’t see any of it. What he did see (for the brief moments before it went dark) were his limbs stretching beyond him, blurring yellow lights, and the buildings in his neighborhood shrinking.

He forced his eyes shut and listened as the wind knocked the front door back and forth in its frame. It was furious. Like someone on the other side needed to get in.

Eduardo listened until he couldn’t. He focused on the dark in his eyes until he couldn’t see. In succession each sense plummeted until, without warning, an ache shot through his body. 

It was warm. And then it was numb.

“Did you see the way she just gave in?” Tabs asked Eduardo the next morning. She often needed some hours after a movie to really comprehend her thoughts on it. “She’s hurt, but then she gives in.”

Eduardo nodded with his phone on his ear. 

“I like Midsommar more,” Tabs continued. “because in the end, your family is going to fuck your shit up. They’re programmed that way. But in Midsommar, she’s saved. In Hereditary, everybody just dies.”

Eduardo made a face Tabs couldn’t see. “That makes sense, actually.” 

Read Some Questions for Ethan Velez.

Ethan Velez is a Manhattan native, sculptor, writer, and amateur bartender. His work is inspired by Italian horror movies of the 70’s and his mom.

Image credit: “church,” bigoneep. Flickr CC BY-NC 2.0.